“New Girl”: Staffing Edition

New Girl, the runaway hit sitcom starring bubbly, off-beat teacher Jessica Day, lodged a place in our hearts with its debut nearly eight years ago. New girl Jess moves into a loft with several eccentric single guys — who are arguably the basis for the beloved show’s continued popularity — entering the dysfunctional friend and roommate dynamic we’ve all come to know and love. 

It’s not uncommon for fans to express their desire to be best friends and/or roommates with this crew (or their talented actors, frankly). However, we take it a step further and staff the New Girl characters into a few of our open positions.

Jess

Jess is our quintessential idealist. “Look at that go-getter in a brightly colored sweater,” Schmidt would say. Her life’s calling is molding minds as a teacher of all ages. Moreover, her endearing sincerity and loyalty are the glue that holds the loft group dynamic together. The earnest and free-spirited frontwoman of the New Girl sitcom, Jess’s bubbly — and quirky — effectiveness makes her perfect for the role of Supervisor. 

This post requires a leader to direct and coordinate team activities, while simultaneously inspiring the troops. Jess is perfect for the out-of-the-box ideas needed to develop new processes to improve efficiency, although her team members and their happiness will always be her number one priority. Her stint as Coolidge Middle School vice principal gave her the tools she needed to emphasize safe practices. Plus, Jess’s lifelong calling as a teacher makes her a great fit to guide new hires.

Nick

Realistic and wise-cracking, Nick is the “every-man” of the loft friend group. He is a socially inept and sarcastic bartender who has a keen ability for reading people’s emotions — although he can’t seem to express his own. 

He enjoys his independence and is extremely frugal, to the point of disaster — he refuses to spend anything and has never opened a bank account. Nick is a grumpy old man in the shape of a 30-year-old. “I like getting older,” Nick mentions. “I feel like I’m finally aging into my personality.”

Nick doesn’t apply himself much, but he’s known as the talented idea man — he passed the law bar exam before deciding to become a bartender instead. “I only want to make a drink a coal miner would want. Straightforward. Honest. Something that says, ‘I work in a hole.’” He works in the evenings, but spends his days (theoretically) working on his zombie novel and his successful book series The Pepperwood Chronicles.

Nick’s upfront honesty and his pragmatism in the workplace make him an ideal Forklift Operator. Inventory and product moving are directly transferable from his bartending days. Plus, the required written communication skills are a snap for this promising author. Nick’s no-nonsense work style looks favorable for this position.

Schmidt

Schmidt is a flashy, eccentric businessman with a taste for luxury and who believes he’s God’s gift to women. He is extremely particular about his surroundings and likes to have most of the control in any given situation, making him very detail-oriented. Ambitious in all things, Schmidt is a dedicated planner and schedules the minutiae of his life and his friends’ — even creating life plans for each of them. (This happens without their knowledge, naturally, and Schmidt updated the logs daily). His arrogance and desire to be top dog get him in trouble every so often, but at the end of the day, Schmidt is die-hard loyal to his friends. He will do anything for them — although usually what he thinks is best, and he expects the favor returned.

A devoted fan of efficiency, Schmidt is a shoo-in Assembler. His standards will keep his materials and his team in tip-top condition, and “clean and orderly” is the name of his game.

Winston

Sweet, thoughtful, and a little oblivious, Winston is above all lovable. His eccentric creativity may put off people who don’t know him, but Winston is unafraid to be unabashedly himself. And, his friends love him for it. He has the dual attitudes of a game go-getter while being wildly unsure of himself.

However, over the phone, Winston’s social awkwardness disappears and he becomes, as Nick puts it, “weirdly smooth”. As long as Winston completes his strange pre-phone call ritual, he can convince anyone of anything. 

“I need a soda, I need a straw, and I need to get horizontal so get out of my way.”

Winston is a born Call Center Representative. 

Cece

Put-together, to the point, and fiercely loyal, Cece is a snarky and street-smart fashion model and bartender. She approaches any profession she pursues with dedication and determination, and her tough-love realism keeps her more airy friends grounded. Cece’s eye for detail and authoritative demeanor, as well her ability to keep calm under pressure, points to the role of Warehouse Worker. 

Coach

In a lot of ways, the gang needs Coach. Unlike most of the other loft mates, Coach is strong, dominant, self-assured, and willing to take charge of any situation. He is charming and confident, and has a strong competitive streak. On the negative side, he can tend to be self-centered. Fortunately, his friends are there to keep him balanced, and his lovable side comes out the more you get to know him. 

As a driven personal trainer, Coach’s traits make him a true On-Site Administrator. His coaching skills allow him to maintain excellent client relations and achieve tangible results, as well as track performance metrics to improve. Coach’s competitive side drives him to win, so he can be counted on to proactively address concerns. Plus, his charm and confidence contribute to his stellar working relationships. You know you can rely on Coach to get the job done — although probably while complimenting himself in the process. 

If you want to make like your favorite New Girl characters and get hired for these positions yourself, click here!